I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
