i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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