I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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