O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
