White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
