if i can run in heels then i can drive
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My ATM looks so different sober.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
