I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
