why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think people are normalizing furries
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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