dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
