Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
