in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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