And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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