I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
