Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Your penis caused this!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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