i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
