In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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