so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
