why didn't you poke me back
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
