I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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