I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
