just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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