Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
