called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
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