The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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