even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
