I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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