you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
