Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
