Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
