Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
