are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
