Will you blow on my dice?
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
