i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
