I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
a search helicopter?!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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