Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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