I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
