There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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