If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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