He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
