If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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