I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
