dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
