Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
