yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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