also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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