She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
