I hate all girls vehemently.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
it glows. i had to have it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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