Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
