So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
