my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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