At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
