i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
