I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
